i care about action.

September 3, 2010 § Leave a comment

I created a new category for my posts, and it’s called “i care about action.”

My last post was inspired by an after hours meltdown, and although it’s around the same time of early morning, I am much more composed right now. And it’s not that I’ve lost the momentum that charged my senses yesterday; it’s just that I’m seeing the balancing act from a clearer perspective today.

I know this about myself. I can’t limit myself. That’s why this blog is an all-inclusive look into whatever is inspiring, bothering, exciting me at the moment. I can’t choose. I can’t narrow. I can’t give anything up.

For better or worse, I am unwilling and unable to set boundaries for myself. When I love something or want something, there’s little that can be done to stop me from going after it. Now, don’t get me wrong — moral boundaries are obviously the exception. (For example, if I think your boyfriend is attractive and interesting, I’m not going to go after him.) But when it comes to my passions, I can’t just stop.

That’s when time becomes the issue. I don’t know when I can possibly accomplish everything, but I do know this — I need to try. If I keep freaking out about when I’m going to do everything, I won’t actually do anything. That’s the funny thing about anxiety and the fear of not being or doing enough. It has this crazy way of paralyzing you. Ultimately, you end up thinking way more than doing.

I think that’s also why, in the workplace, everyone hates the person who criticizes every new idea and finds fault in every single little thing. They harp on only the negative, the bad outcomes, the what ifs. Reminds me of my thinking last night: What if I never reach greatness in any one thing if I keep on dabbling on a ton of things? What if I never achieve this or that? Instead of developing a plan of action, this person remains in the dark, without a hope, stagnant and unsatisfied.

I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to fear and worry and criticize. I want to be the champion of my own life. I want to call the shots, and find the time and energy to draw in charcoal, to study physics, to volunteer at a hospital, to develop film and frame the product, to sit and learn something new about my mother.

So, I don’t only care about ambition and about dreaming big. I care about finishing what I set out to do. I care about action.

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